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Empowerment Self-Care

Overwhelmed by Everyday Tasks? You’re Not Alone: A Guide for Trauma Survivors

Do you ever feel like the day’s already over before it even begins? Just getting through basic tasks—waking up, taking care of hygiene, meals, and then, of course, more substantial responsibilities like work, school, or projects—can feel like a marathon when there’s so little time. Finding time to unwind, making room for passions, or simply relaxing often feels like a luxury out of reach. For trauma survivors, this everyday overload isn’t just challenging; it can be all-consuming.

As someone who grew up with procrastination and sleep struggles, I know this challenge firsthand. Even now, as an adult, I find myself struggling to catch up, battling a habit of waiting until the last minute. And while I’ve developed a sleep ritual that sometimes helps, I still learn the hard way the importance of proactive habits.

So, what does the literature say about these struggles? And how can we, as trauma survivors, navigate a path forward? Let’s dive in.

The Weight of Trauma on Daily Tasks

Trauma has a profound effect on how we interact with daily tasks. In her work, author bell hooks explored how trauma and oppression shape people’s lives in deep, everyday ways. Trauma doesn’t just leave emotional scars; it can alter the brain’s functioning, particularly in the areas related to planning, task initiation, and emotional regulation. For many, these impacts can translate into procrastination, fatigue, and a sense of being “stuck.”

Psychologist Resmaa Menakem expands on this by discussing how people affected by generational and racial trauma often find their body’s stress responses triggered by daily tasks. These stress responses, ingrained over time, can make routine activities feel exhausting.

Understanding these root causes helps us recognize that the overwhelm many of us feel is not just about time management; it’s about rewiring patterns deeply embedded in our minds and bodies.

Breaking the Cycle: Trauma-Informed Strategies for Managing Daily Tasks

Breaking out of reactive habits and moving toward a proactive approach can be transformative. Here are some strategies rooted in trauma-informed care to make that transition easier.

1. Embrace a Proactive Mindset Over a Reactive One

Trauma can create a reactive mindset—where we feel constantly on edge, responding to each task as if it’s a sudden emergency. Shifting toward a proactive mindset, however, helps us take charge of our time rather than feeling that time is chasing us.

Example:
Try planning your week on a Sunday night, even if it’s just sketching out the big goals. Focus on the two or three most important things each day, rather than trying to tackle everything at once. I’ve found that even writing down one small priority for the morning can make the day feel more manageable.

2. Develop a Sleep Ritual That Sticks

Sleep is vital for trauma recovery, yet trauma survivors often struggle with rest. Creating a consistent, calming sleep ritual can help signal to your body that it’s safe to wind down.

Example:
In my own experience, I’ve developed a simple sleep ritual: dim lighting, no screens for 30 minutes before bed, and a few deep breaths. It doesn’t always guarantee perfect sleep, but over time, it’s helped me ease into a restful mindset. Small adjustments—like adding a warm drink or listening to gentle sounds—can make a difference in solidifying the habit.

3. Tackle Tasks with Micro-Steps

Large tasks can feel paralyzing. Breaking them into “micro-tasks”—small, bite-sized steps—can make them more approachable and boost confidence.

Example:
If you’re putting off a big project, set a timer for just five minutes to start. You may only get through the first step, but completing even a small part can help you feel a sense of progress. For example, I often tell myself I’ll spend “just five minutes” cleaning, and I often end up doing more simply because I’ve eased myself into it.

4. Prioritize and Simplify

One key to managing overwhelm is simplifying your day. For trauma survivors, this can mean choosing a few meaningful tasks rather than trying to check every box on an endless to-do list.

Example:
Choose a core task for each day—a work goal, self-care activity, or one meaningful personal project. Then, let other things be secondary. For example, if I plan to write for an hour in the morning, I don’t expect myself to also tackle a huge list of unrelated tasks afterward. Allowing one “main event” each day can help conserve mental energy.

5. Build Gentle Accountability

Accountability can motivate us to complete tasks, but it needs to be gentle, encouraging rather than strict.

Example:
Find an accountability partner—maybe a friend or family member—and set a weekly check-in. It doesn’t have to be about intense goals; sometimes, simply sharing small wins or discussing what didn’t work can provide support. For instance, I have a friend who checks in with me once a week about my personal projects, and knowing I’ll talk to them helps me keep up with my goals.

6. Practice Self-Compassion and Flexibility

Healing isn’t a straight path, and setbacks are natural. Building flexibility and self-compassion into your routine allows for recovery when things don’t go as planned.

Example:
If I have a day where I don’t sleep well and my routine falls apart, I remind myself that healing is a process. Giving myself permission to start fresh the next day without self-blame allows me to keep going. Even something as simple as a quick, mindful stretch in the morning can act as a reset.

Moving Forward: Small Changes, Big Impacts

Managing life’s daily tasks as a trauma survivor is no easy feat. But it’s important to remember that small, steady steps are key to creating sustainable habits. By setting small priorities, practicing self-compassion, and giving ourselves permission to adapt, we can learn to create lives that feel less overwhelming and more aligned with our needs.

As bell hooks said, “Healing is an act of communion.” We owe it to ourselves to build routines that respect our journey and honor our resilience.

Categories
Self-Care

When Self-Care Feels Like a Chore: Overcoming Self-Care Fatigue

Introduction

We’ve all been told that self-care is essential for keeping ourselves grounded and healthy—a time to reconnect and recharge. But what happens when those soothing rituals start feeling like just another chore on your to-do list? For many of us, especially if we’re managing stress or healing from trauma, self-care can shift from something joyful into what feels like yet another task. This is called self-care fatigue, and if it sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Self-care fatigue can turn even the most comforting practices into a never-ending cycle of upkeep, taking away the very relief we’re craving. So, how do we keep self-care feeling fresh and supportive instead of exhausting?

Defining Self-Care Fatigue and the “Maintenance Mindset”

Self-care fatigue is what happens when our once-rejuvenating routines start to feel monotonous and obligatory—something we’re doing just to keep ourselves afloat, rather than to really nurture and enjoy ourselves. This happens a lot when we get stuck in a maintenance mindset, where self-care is all about preventing burnout rather than experiencing joy. For people dealing with trauma or long-term stress, it can feel like self-care is a requirement, like medicine, and the pressure to stick to it can suck the life out of it.

Writer and activist Audre Lorde described self-care as “self-preservation,” especially for those of us constantly navigating an unsupportive world. But even Lorde acknowledged that survival can sometimes feel like hard work. Tara Brach, in Radical Acceptance, talks about this too—she suggests that a bit of mindfulness can help us approach self-care with curiosity and presence, transforming it into something we genuinely look forward to. Here are some tips from Brach, along with many other scholars.


Strategies for Maximizing the Positive Benefits of Self-Care

  1. Pause and Breathe
    Tara Brach, in Radical Acceptance, emphasizes the importance of pausing to reconnect with what you truly need in each moment. Sometimes, we get caught in routines and forget to check in with ourselves. Brach’s “pause and breathe” technique is simple but effective: stop what you’re doing, take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself, “What do I really need right now?” Maybe you need a few moments of rest, or perhaps a different activity would be more refreshing. This technique keeps self-care flexible, letting it feel like a meaningful act of kindness rather than an unchanging obligation.
  2. Mindful Reframing
    One simple way to beat self-care fatigue is to bring a little mindfulness into your routine. Thich Nhat Hanh, in The Miracle of Mindfulness, explains how even the smallest, most repetitive tasks can be refreshing if we pause to really take them in. If a skincare routine has started to feel dull, for instance, try pausing for a moment to enjoy the scent of the cleanser or the coolness of the lotion. Notice the sensations, and savor the ritual. By shifting your attention, you can turn a routine task into a small moment of peace.
  3. Incorporate Joy and Novelty
    If your self-care feels all about maintaining balance, it’s time to mix things up. Give yourself permission to explore new activities, just for fun. Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, suggests “artist dates”—fun solo outings meant to spark creativity and curiosity. You could wander through a museum, go to a bookstore, try a cooking class, or hike a new trail. Adding something playful or adventurous can remind you that self-care is about living, not just coping.
  4. Focus on Personal Growth Over Maintenance
    Sometimes, we need to switch up how we look at self-care. Instead of seeing it as just another way to manage stress, try viewing it as a chance to grow. bell hooks, in All About Love, talks about self-love as a way to nurture our full potential. So, maybe instead of exercising to “destress,” you could start learning something new—like dance, painting, or yoga—something that feels exciting and growth-oriented. Shifting self-care from “maintenance” to “personal growth” can turn it into a source of real inspiration.
  5. Celebrate Small Wins
    Self-care isn’t a box to check off; it’s a journey, and acknowledging even your smallest steps can make a huge difference. Brené Brown, in The Gifts of Imperfection, points out that celebrating small victories helps build resilience. After a journaling session, for instance, take a moment to feel proud, or reward yourself with a cozy drink or favorite show. Little rituals of celebration can help self-care feel like something special—something you look forward to, rather than just “doing your homework.”
  6. Regular Emotional Check-ins
    Just because something was helpful yesterday doesn’t mean it has to be today. Kristin Neff, a self-compassion expert, encourages adapting self-care to match our current needs. If you find yourself dreading a meditation session, switch it up—try a different type of breathing exercise, go for a gentle walk, or listen to calming music instead. Self-care works best when it feels supportive and flexible, so give yourself permission to change it up whenever you need to.