Introduction: Have you ever been called an “old soul,” not because of your taste in music or movies, but because you’ve been worrying about adult problems since you were a kid? You’re not alone. Many of us who feel like we’ve lived a thousand lives by 25 have one thing in common: we were forced to grow up long before we were ready. And while people might think it’s wisdom beyond your years, you’re left feeling exhausted—like you’ve been in survival mode forever.
But what is this feeling really? And how do we move past the constant pressure to improve our lives when we’ve been grinding away at it for what feels like forever? It turns out, this experience has a name. Actually, several names—terms like “parentification,” “adultification,” and “chronic survival mode” all describe the emotional and mental toll of growing up too fast. Let’s break these down and, more importantly, talk about how to overcome the burnout that comes with them.
1. Parentification: When the Child Becomes the Caregiver At its core, parentification happens when a child is forced to act as a parent—whether by emotionally supporting the adults in their life or by taking on practical responsibilities beyond their years. Maybe you had to manage your own meals, help care for siblings, or even emotionally comfort a parent when they were struggling. While you may have learned responsibility early, the toll is high. Parentified children often grow up feeling like they always have to be the “strong one” and carry the weight of their world on their shoulders.
How to Manage It:
- Recognize your boundaries. As an adult, it’s crucial to unlearn the idea that you always need to be in control or responsible for others. Start practicing saying “no” to responsibilities that aren’t yours.
- Allow yourself to be cared for. Whether it’s in a relationship or a friendship, challenge yourself to accept help when it’s offered, and remind yourself that you don’t always need to be the caregiver.
- Example in real life: If you’re used to handling everything for family gatherings, try delegating tasks. Let someone else bring food or organize the event, even if you’re tempted to do it all yourself. Trust that others can step up, and that it’s okay to release control.
2. Adultification: The Burden of Premature Worries Adultification is a little different from parentification. While you may not have been acting as a parent, adultification refers to the emotional burden of worrying about adult problems too soon. This could mean handling financial stress, worrying about family stability, or even just being aware of the world’s harsh realities when other kids were playing. Adultified children often lose their sense of innocence early, and that leaves a mark. The constant need to think about how to “fix” things creates a pressure that doesn’t go away easily, even into adulthood.
How to Manage It:
- Practice mindfulness and presence. Adultified people are often so focused on the future (fixing things, improving, surviving) that they struggle to stay in the present. Grounding techniques, like meditation or simple breathing exercises, can help shift your mind from the future back into the moment.
- Allow yourself to play. Reconnect with hobbies or activities that are purely for joy, without any sense of responsibility attached to them. Let yourself experience fun or relaxation without feeling guilty or thinking you should be doing something “productive.”
- Example in real life: Try spending an afternoon doing something purely for fun—like going to an amusement park, drawing, or listening to music—without making a to-do list in your mind. If your thoughts drift to responsibilities, gently remind yourself that this is your time to just enjoy life, not to fix things.
3. Survival Mode: Living as Though There’s Always a Threat When you’ve had to worry about survival for most of your life, that stress can stick with you, even when the actual threat is gone. Chronic survival mode is the sense that you’re always bracing for the next disaster, always feeling like you have to improve yourself to stay safe. The problem is, staying in survival mode for too long exhausts your body and mind. It’s no wonder you feel burned out—being in survival mode uses up all your energy, leaving little for anything else.
How to Manage It:
- Create small moments of safety. If you’ve been in survival mode for years, it can be hard to convince yourself that you’re safe now. Start by intentionally creating environments that feel secure—a cozy corner in your home, a trusted friend who listens without judgment, or even a relaxing routine at the end of the day. The more you build safety into your life, the more you can slowly release the grip of survival mode.
- Reframe your goals. Instead of feeling like you always need to be better, faster, or more successful to survive, try reframing your goals around growth and fulfillment. Focus on things that make you happy, not just things that keep you safe. This can be a powerful way to transition out of a survival mindset and into one of thriving.
- Example in real life: If you’re constantly worrying about finances even though you’re managing your bills fine, set aside a small amount of money each month specifically for something that brings you joy—whether it’s a favorite hobby, a nice dinner, or a trip. Remind yourself that this is a reward for your hard work and that you deserve moments of joy, not just survival.
4. Burnout from an “Old Soul” Life All of these pressures—the caregiving, the worries, the need to survive—add up to one thing: burnout. It’s a unique kind of burnout, though, one that feels like it’s been with you forever. People might comment on how “mature” you are or how you “worry about things most people your age don’t think about.” But that’s not a badge of honor; it’s a sign that you’ve been carrying too much for too long.
How to Manage It:
- Slow down. It’s okay to stop improving yourself all the time. Rest isn’t just a reward for hard work; it’s a necessity. Build in time to do nothing, to simply exist without the pressure of becoming “better” all the time.
- Embrace self-compassion. The child who was forced to grow up too soon didn’t deserve that weight. Acknowledge that younger version of yourself and honor their strength, but also allow yourself to rest now. Self-compassion means recognizing that you don’t have to carry the weight of the world anymore, and it’s okay to let go of that burden.
- Example in real life: If you’ve been pushing yourself to achieve nonstop, take a full weekend to rest—no goals, no self-improvement. Let yourself sleep in, watch movies, and take walks without thinking about productivity. Remind yourself that rest is necessary, not something to “earn” after burning out.
Conclusion: If you’ve ever felt like an old soul because you’ve been battling adult problems since before you were even close to adulthood, you’re not alone. Terms like parentification, adultification, and chronic survival mode capture the reality of growing up too soon. But you don’t have to stay in that space forever. By recognizing these patterns and taking steps to manage them, you can move from survival to thriving.
The next time someone calls you an old soul, let it remind you of how much you’ve overcome—but also of how much you deserve rest, joy, and peace. You’ve carried the weight for long enough; now it’s time to set it down and live.