Have you ever felt that surge of excitement when you meet someone who just might be the person you’ve been waiting for—a potential friend, mentor, or partner? Maybe it’s a spark of understanding, shared interests, or a sense of relief after experiencing loneliness. It’s easy to want to rush into something deeper, to finally feel that connection you’ve craved for so long. But what happens when we move too fast?
In their book, The Wait, Devon Franklin and Meagan Good explain how letting relationships develop naturally, without forcing intimacy, allows people to build the foundational trust, respect, and mutual understanding that lead to stronger connections. While their advice focuses on romantic relationships, the principles they share are universal. Whether you’re seeking deeper friendships, professional networks, or personal support systems, giving relationships the space to grow at their own pace can make all the difference.
Why Patience Is Key to Lasting Bonds
When we rush to form a connection, we often skip essential steps—getting to know the other person, understanding their values, and building trust. The excitement of finally finding someone who gets you can make it tempting to dive in, but moving too quickly often leads to misunderstandings or unmet expectations.
This is particularly hard when loneliness and isolation have been part of your journey. Social anxiety can amplify the desire to hold on tightly to any potential bond. The stakes feel higher when it feels like you’ve waited forever. But here’s the reality: trying to rush a connection often leads to disappointment because the relationship hasn’t had time to grow strong roots. Instead of finding stability, you might find yourself vulnerable to rejection, frustration, or even toxic dynamics.
Letting things unfold naturally, however, allows both people to gradually reveal their true selves. It provides the space for respect, trust, and emotional safety to develop, which are essential to any healthy relationship.
Building Trust Brick by Brick
A solid relationship requires trust, but trust doesn’t form overnight. Franklin and Good emphasize that taking time allows you to observe how people act in different situations, how they handle stress, and how they treat others. These observations are crucial to knowing whether someone aligns with your values and whether you can rely on them in the long run.
In everyday relationships, this translates to allowing people to show up for you in small ways over time. Maybe it’s a friend who consistently listens when you’re stressed or a colleague who offers genuine help without expecting anything in return. Over time, these small actions build trust and help form a connection based on authenticity, not just proximity or convenience.
Practical Tips for Letting Relationships Unfold Naturally
So how can we practice patience and still nurture potential connections, especially when loneliness feels overwhelming? Here are some practical tips to keep in mind:
- Focus on the Present: Instead of worrying about where the relationship is going, try to stay present and enjoy the moments you share. Whether it’s a casual coffee chat or a shared project, focus on the quality of the interaction rather than what it could become.
- Example: Imagine you’ve recently met someone at work, and you’re starting to feel a connection that could turn into a friendship. Rather than jumping ahead and wondering if you’ll end up being best friends or worrying whether they like you, focus on enjoying your time together in the moment. If you’re having coffee, listen to their stories, share your thoughts, and simply enjoy the conversation.
- Set Boundaries Early: Setting clear emotional boundaries helps protect you from jumping in too fast. It’s okay to pace your emotional investment and check in with yourself about how comfortable you feel sharing more personal details.
- Example: Let’s say you’ve just met a new acquaintance at a social event. You feel a spark, but you’re not ready to dive into deep, personal conversations yet. Instead of oversharing or feeling pressured to reveal too much too soon, let the relationship develop at a pace that feels comfortable. For instance, you might choose to talk about surface-level topics, like hobbies or mutual interests, while waiting until you’ve built more trust before discussing personal struggles or emotions.
- Check Your Expectations: Social anxiety often amplifies the fear of rejection. Ask yourself if you’re placing too much pressure on the other person to fulfill your emotional needs. Remember that one relationship can’t fill every gap—connections take time to deepen.
- Example: You’ve started hanging out with a new group of friends, but after a few weeks, you notice you’re expecting them to invite you out every weekend. If they don’t, you feel disappointed or even rejected. This is a good moment to check your expectations. Remind yourself that friendships grow over time, and it’s okay if you’re not included in every plan right away. Take the pressure off by making time for your own interests or connecting with others, instead of relying solely on this group for all your social needs.
- Be Honest About Your Needs: While it’s important to pace relationships, it’s equally essential to be honest about your needs. If you’re feeling particularly vulnerable, communicate that. Maybe you aren’t ready to open up completely yet, and that’s okay. Real connections respect where you are emotionally.
- Example: Suppose you’ve started getting closer to a colleague, and they invite you to a small gathering. You’re feeling emotionally overwhelmed that week and aren’t ready to engage socially at that level. Instead of forcing yourself to go or cutting off the relationship, be honest with them. You might say, “I’m going through a lot right now and need some time to recharge, but I’d love to hang out another time.” This communicates your need for space while still keeping the door open for future connection.
- Observe, Don’t Assume: Allow time to observe the other person’s character, actions, and consistency. Don’t assume they’re a perfect fit for your life based on initial excitement. True alignment reveals itself with time.
- Example: After a few friendly encounters with someone new, you might be tempted to assume they’re exactly the kind of supportive friend you’ve been looking for. Instead of jumping to conclusions, give it time. Maybe you’ll notice how they respond to difficult situations or how consistent they are in their communication. For instance, if they cancel plans often or aren’t there when you need support, these are signs that you need to observe before getting too emotionally invested.
- Embrace the Waiting: It might sound counterintuitive, but learning to embrace the waiting process can ease the pressure. Each relationship will reveal its potential naturally—there’s no need to rush.
- Example: Let’s say you’re waiting for a potential friendship to deepen, but it’s not happening as fast as you’d hoped. Instead of feeling anxious about where things are going, focus on your own growth in the meantime. Spend time engaging in activities that make you feel fulfilled, like a new hobby or self-care routine. Embracing the waiting period allows you to build your own sense of fulfillment, so you’re not solely dependent on the relationship progressing quickly.
Thriving During the Waiting Season
Franklin and Good also talk about the concept of “the waiting season,” where you work on yourself while allowing time for relationships to mature. In any relationship, whether platonic or romantic, this season can be a time of personal growth. Instead of feeling like you’re just waiting for your tribe to show up, use this time to invest in yourself. Learn new skills, strengthen your emotional resilience, and practice self-love. The more grounded and whole you feel, the more likely you’ll attract relationships that mirror that balance.
It’s hard when you’ve been waiting a long time, and the temptation to rush into relationships is strong, but building supportive connections takes time. Trust that the right people will come into your life at the right time, and when they do, they’ll stay not because you rushed into anything, but because the relationship was built on mutual understanding and trust.
A Final Word of Encouragement
You are not alone in feeling the pull to find deep connections quickly. But relationships that last are not formed in a rush; they are slowly nurtured, like seeds that need time to take root before they blossom. As you continue your journey toward building a support system—whether through friendships, family, or professional networks—remember to trust the process.
Letting things happen naturally doesn’t mean you’re passive; it means you’re allowing space for meaningful growth. And when the connection finally deepens, it will be because it was ready—not because it was forced. Keep moving forward, one step at a time, and believe that your patience will lead to relationships that support, uplift, and fulfill you.