Introduction
We’ve all been told that self-care is essential for keeping ourselves grounded and healthy—a time to reconnect and recharge. But what happens when those soothing rituals start feeling like just another chore on your to-do list? For many of us, especially if we’re managing stress or healing from trauma, self-care can shift from something joyful into what feels like yet another task. This is called self-care fatigue, and if it sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Self-care fatigue can turn even the most comforting practices into a never-ending cycle of upkeep, taking away the very relief we’re craving. So, how do we keep self-care feeling fresh and supportive instead of exhausting?
Defining Self-Care Fatigue and the “Maintenance Mindset”
Self-care fatigue is what happens when our once-rejuvenating routines start to feel monotonous and obligatory—something we’re doing just to keep ourselves afloat, rather than to really nurture and enjoy ourselves. This happens a lot when we get stuck in a maintenance mindset, where self-care is all about preventing burnout rather than experiencing joy. For people dealing with trauma or long-term stress, it can feel like self-care is a requirement, like medicine, and the pressure to stick to it can suck the life out of it.
Writer and activist Audre Lorde described self-care as “self-preservation,” especially for those of us constantly navigating an unsupportive world. But even Lorde acknowledged that survival can sometimes feel like hard work. Tara Brach, in Radical Acceptance, talks about this too—she suggests that a bit of mindfulness can help us approach self-care with curiosity and presence, transforming it into something we genuinely look forward to. Here are some tips from Brach, along with many other scholars.
Strategies for Maximizing the Positive Benefits of Self-Care
- Pause and Breathe
Tara Brach, in Radical Acceptance, emphasizes the importance of pausing to reconnect with what you truly need in each moment. Sometimes, we get caught in routines and forget to check in with ourselves. Brach’s “pause and breathe” technique is simple but effective: stop what you’re doing, take a few deep breaths, and ask yourself, “What do I really need right now?” Maybe you need a few moments of rest, or perhaps a different activity would be more refreshing. This technique keeps self-care flexible, letting it feel like a meaningful act of kindness rather than an unchanging obligation. - Mindful Reframing
One simple way to beat self-care fatigue is to bring a little mindfulness into your routine. Thich Nhat Hanh, in The Miracle of Mindfulness, explains how even the smallest, most repetitive tasks can be refreshing if we pause to really take them in. If a skincare routine has started to feel dull, for instance, try pausing for a moment to enjoy the scent of the cleanser or the coolness of the lotion. Notice the sensations, and savor the ritual. By shifting your attention, you can turn a routine task into a small moment of peace. - Incorporate Joy and Novelty
If your self-care feels all about maintaining balance, it’s time to mix things up. Give yourself permission to explore new activities, just for fun. Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way, suggests “artist dates”—fun solo outings meant to spark creativity and curiosity. You could wander through a museum, go to a bookstore, try a cooking class, or hike a new trail. Adding something playful or adventurous can remind you that self-care is about living, not just coping. - Focus on Personal Growth Over Maintenance
Sometimes, we need to switch up how we look at self-care. Instead of seeing it as just another way to manage stress, try viewing it as a chance to grow. bell hooks, in All About Love, talks about self-love as a way to nurture our full potential. So, maybe instead of exercising to “destress,” you could start learning something new—like dance, painting, or yoga—something that feels exciting and growth-oriented. Shifting self-care from “maintenance” to “personal growth” can turn it into a source of real inspiration. - Celebrate Small Wins
Self-care isn’t a box to check off; it’s a journey, and acknowledging even your smallest steps can make a huge difference. Brené Brown, in The Gifts of Imperfection, points out that celebrating small victories helps build resilience. After a journaling session, for instance, take a moment to feel proud, or reward yourself with a cozy drink or favorite show. Little rituals of celebration can help self-care feel like something special—something you look forward to, rather than just “doing your homework.” - Regular Emotional Check-ins
Just because something was helpful yesterday doesn’t mean it has to be today. Kristin Neff, a self-compassion expert, encourages adapting self-care to match our current needs. If you find yourself dreading a meditation session, switch it up—try a different type of breathing exercise, go for a gentle walk, or listen to calming music instead. Self-care works best when it feels supportive and flexible, so give yourself permission to change it up whenever you need to.